Beady-Eyed and Cutting Up

Let’s say that you’re an older person with bad eyesight, a bad back, stiff fingers, no artistic talent, absolutely no patience and you’ve never worn jewelry in your life.  Now let’s say you want to pick a fun activity to while away the hours.  What would you choose?

That’s right!  BEADING!!!

That’s what took us to Jan’s Bead shop on a very hot Friday afternoon.  In just 3 short, back-breaking hours we emerged with bracelets that didn’t look half bad.  The best part was the magnetic clip which, I swear, could stop a semi in its tracks.

It was so remarkably easy to do that we tried again a week later, with a more difficult pattern.  Carm and Jackie caught on right away.  After considerable swearing and mounting blood pressure, I concluded that my talents lay elsewhere.  And wherever they’re laying, they must be buried pretty deep because I can’t find them.

On the plus side, RRR loves jewelry so we took my bracelet, she spent 3 hours extending it and then Carm and Jackie took turns finishing it.  The end result is that she has a couple of cute little necklaces and matching earrings.

 Never one to be daunted, I decided to pick up a new hobby.  Diecutting.  After spending a fortune on a die cutter, some hummingbird dies and several cans of adult beverages, I produced 6 hummingbirds and a few flowers.  Since I hate anything resembling knick-knacks and I get homicidal at the sight of wind chimes, I’m not sure what I’m going to do with all these things.  Still, they’re pretty and sparkly and so what more could you want.

Budgie-smugglers: The Ultimate Fashion Statement

We headed to Quartzsite on a very hot Saturday to take part in a seeded metal detecting hunt.  This is where the field is seeded with coins and participants have one hour to dig up all the money they can get.  The cost to participate is $35 and diggers can recover all of their fees if they're fast enough.  I'm not fast enough..... I managed to get $4.50 total, and that's with Carm helping me dig!  On the plus side, I did manage to tan the back of my legs.  I was looking a tad two-toned there for awhile - sort of like a chocolate-covered digestive biscuit.

RRR was excited to come along because we promised to introduce her to Quartzsite's most eligible bachelor.  Paul Winer (honest) is the owner of a used book store and he was very dapper that day - we noticed immediately that he had taken the trouble to match his top hat to his budgie-smuggler.  Maybe he knew RRR was coming.  We thought it was a match made in heaven:  RRR likes to knit, so PW would have an unlimited supply of mankinis to choose from.  Laundry would be a breeze (literally).  There'd be no guessing about what to get him for Christmas.  Every couple of years or so, she could buy him a new hat.

We reluctantly left the book store and headed for the rock and gem show where we bought a lot of rocks (as if the Beast isn't heavy enough), with the intention of turning them into smaller rocks by way of a rock tumbler we also bought.  We're not exactly sure what we're going to do with all these polished rocks but, what the heck, they're sparkly.

RRR, of course, bought earrings.  At last count, she owns 108 pairs.

Finding Jesus

I've gotta tell you..... they ain't makin' hippies like they used to.

Many people told us we had to go visit "Slab City" which is billed as the "last free place in America".  When Patton's army left the area after WWII, they left behind huge concrete slabs that had been the flooring for the army's huts.  Over time, people who wanted to drop out of society began setting up camp on these slabs.  We were told it was a wild, untamed and dangerous place to visit.

Naturally, we had to go see them.  So we donned our hippie outfits (by which I mean the POD people uniform of capris, t-shirts and flip flops) and off we went to Niland, California.  We knew we had arrived when we saw a very unwashed old man wearing a very large sombrero and a very short kilt and riding a donkey (which was normal sized).  We would have asked him (the Mexi-Scot) for directions but he didn't look like he had a GPS (or many functioning brain cells.)  He was very smiley though.

As you drive into Slab City (which, btw, has better roads than Sudbury and they don't pay taxes!), you are faced with a great big hill that has been covered in paint and a lot of bible passages.  This is Salvation Mountain and it is a wonder to behold.  I did not feel inspired to repent my sins.  But then we were told we had to find Jesus.  East Jesus, that is.

A little further on, we saw signs for a pub, a library, and an internet cafe.  Most of the "hippies", as far as we could see, were driving huge motorhomes and fifth wheels.  These people did not look like they even owned love beads or water-walkers.  The few places we saw that looked "hippie-ish" were very well tended, albeit most of the garden decorations were made from scrap and old appliances.  There wasn't a long-haired freaky person to be found (if you don't count us).

The trail led us around to East Jesus, with a bypass to West Satan.  This place was really cool!  The artist has used junk to create some really unique artwork.  I loved the wall made out of used bottles.  It was very sparkly.

In spite of the 100 degree heat (that's 2,378 Celsius, by my reckoning) we wandered around this amazing sculpture garden.  It's truly awe-inspiring what people can do with trash!

After that, it was a quick trip to the Salton Sea, by way of Bombay Beach which is a) not east Indian and b) not a beach.  But it is a dump.  You can't even see the sea from there because they've piled up a lot of dirt in front of it.  No idea why and there was no one to ask.

So we came home, with not even a tale of being shot at by some paranoid, disgruntled counter-culture freak who hates revenooers and guv'mint agents.

Peace and Love, ya'll.

Mysterious Doings at Shangri-la

On the night following our Spook Mountain trip, we were invited to participate in a Murder Mystery Night.  The victim, Miss Tearious, was murdered aboard a cruise ship by someone who didn't want her to divulge his/her darkest secrets.  Among the suspects were Haus Sellar, a real estate agent  (RRR);  Em Bellish, a piano teacher (Jackie); Nok Turniss, a Music Director (Carm); and Reed M Anweep, a book publisher (me).  We had a ball getting into costume and joining the crowd for happy hour.  It was so much fun to try to figure out whodunnit.  None of us guessed it right.

The most hilarious part of the night was when people saw Carm and Jackie.  The really ugly false teeth they had on looked so real that I could hear people commenting about how those poor women should go to Mexico for some of the cheap dental work down there.

Fortunately, none of us were the murderer, so we were free to go.   It sure was a fun night!

Spooks and Pod People

Up we went into the Gila Mountains on a quest to find how many trucks you can fit onto a desert plateau.  Turns out the answer was 7.   Seriously, though, the real purpose of the evening was to go up to Spook Mountain in the hopes of seeing the mysterious lights and mists that appear on moonless nights.  The lights/mists are blamed variously on trains, planes or automobiles.  Personally, I think they've hired someone to do lighting effects.  Even National Geographic has failed to find the source of the mists.  At any rate, the lights appeared as scheduled for about an hour:  big flashes of a grayish-green light that appeared and disappeared within the blink of an eye.

A bunch of old people getting
 ready to get glowing

But the real mystery was about to happen.  At precisely 8 p.m., with no audible or visible signal that I could perceive, everyone over the age of 65 got up, folded their chairs, packed up their coolers and got into their cars.  What I want to know is if they (and by they, I mean of course the government) implant something into you when you turn 65 that functions like a timer.  It buzzes you awake at 6 a.m., triggers hunger pangs at 4 p.m. and at 8 p.m, the timer shuts you down.  Lights out by 9 p.m. or else.

Hmmmm.....maybe that's it.  Lights out at 9 p.m.  Maybe pensioners all start to glow with an inexplicable mist once the lights go out and "they" don't want others to know about it.  Maybe that's what Spook Mountain is.... just a bunch of old people wandering around.  I'll have to tell National Geographic.

PS....RRR appears to be immune to the Phosphorescent Old Dudes (POD) syndrome.  I can't get her to go to bed until 1 a.m., on a good night.  We've come close to seeing several sunrises since she got here (and not because we got up early!).  I'm so tired that I'm almost looking forward to my POD implant.

Road Rage Rita Rides Again!

Road Rage Rita has arrived!  We picked her up in Phoenix, where we were staying the night.  She made quite an entrance, having dolled herself up for the occasion.

The next day we headed to Yuma, but first stopped for lunch at the Space Age Hotel in Gila Bend.  In an effort to fit in, she donned the requisite alien sunglasses but thank heavens she had ditched the wig.

No rest for the wicked, either.  We arrived in Yuma just in time for the obligatory late afternoon dinner.  I always felt sorry for old people because they always seemed to have to eat so early.  Hah!  The reason they do is because they have so much freakin' stuff going on in the evenings that they have to eat at 4 p.m.    Anyhow, we went for dinner, and went directly to the rec hall for a rousing few games of euchre and dominoes.  Poor RRR didn't even see the inside of the RV until nearly 9 pm.

 Timing is everything, though, isn't it.  She no sooner arrived than the weather in Sudbury  dropped to -45C.  She also brought us some warm weather - since she arrived, the temps have been in the high 80s and 90s, which is just as well since her friends told her she'd better come home with a tan!

All in all, it's gonna be a busy few weeks now that RRR is here.  Looking forward to more adventures