The Woman's Guide to RV Maintenance

Lately, I've been getting advice on how to purchase and install tow bars and base plates for a TOAD (which BTW, is really a FROG... four rolling on ground) .  (TOAD actually means "towed on a dolly", which isn't going to happen).  I'm going to call Zippy (my car) a FROG because (aha!) it's green.

Unfortunatly, I  don't have any mechanical ability or upper body strength and am completely useless when it comes to installing things. I'd be terrified to see poor little Zippy flying off a cliff edge because I didn't have the strength to get the tow bar installed tightly.

I generally use the Women's Guide to Maintenance: if it moves and it's not supposed to, you use duct tape. If it doesn't move and it's supposed to, you use WD40.

Everything else I pay for.

Prince Porketta joins the team

Not physically, but in spirit.  For now....

His mission, should he choose to accept it, is to figure out where all Diners, Drive-ins and Dives are between Vancouver and Ontario.  He'll also have to figure out how many times we'll have to jog around the Beast to work off some of those meals.

The royal team of Prince Porketta and Nui, Queen of the South Seas, will be launching the Beast in early June.

Meet the Beast

Day 2: Oct. 15/11 Do you hear a Banjo?

Took the Beast out for a drive on the weekend and went camping overnight.  It was COLD!!!  I didn't even have to turn on the fridge.... the pop was as cold as if it had been on ice!

I've decided that I can't turn corners.... so I'm going to point the Beast in an eastward direction, and when I get to the Atlantic, I'm going to sell it and buy another rig pointing west.  It's the only logical thing to do.

The campground I chose for my overnight stay boasted all new facilities including 2 hot tubs.  It failed to mention that there hasn't been any water in those hot tubs for 2 years.

I should have known this wasn't a 5-star resort when I pulled in and was directed to the on-site manager's trailer.  This guy was straight out of a movie about insane trailer trash types.  His trailer was FILTHY (see Hoarders), he hadn't had a bath in a long, long time (once a decade - this isn't the decade) and I don't think he ever knew the meaning of the word toothbrush! 

He also laughed insanely at everything I said!  Me:  I'd like a pull-through lot, please.  CTP (Crazy Trailer Person):  You want a lot?  Hahahahahahahaha!  Me:  Yes, for one night.  CTP:  One night? Hahahahahahaha!

By that point, I was edging closer to the door.

Anyhow, the park was spooky!  It was full - very few empty lots - but no one was walking around or talking to anyone.  One person was out walking her dog (might have been a rat) but scuttled away behind her trailer the minute I drew near.  Another one was on the roof of his RV, cutting tree branches and glared at me as I drove past.  It was like being on the set of Deliverance, without the canoes.

But the weather was beautiful, the trees in full colour, an odour of smoke in the air and it was a glorious autumn day.  The night was cold but the furnace on the Beast works very well so I was toasty.

My next adventure may be a Walmart parking lot :-)

Day 1: Sept 2/11 It's Official.... I am Insane

If there was ever any doubt, it’s long gone.  Here’s a bit of advice:  never learn to drive a 34-foot motorhome on the Friday before the last sunny long weekend of the summer!

I have never had such a tense weekend in my life!  It started out on Friday, when I came outside to find my car had a 1-inch spike in the tire.  BCAA had to come out and fix it, which put me 1.5 hours late for my driving lesson in the new RV.

By the time we got going, it was nearly noon.   So where does the driving instructor take me?  Through downtown Chilliwack and it’s very narrow packed streets at lunch hour!  Then we went on the highway and I discovered that curves are very scary things when you’re driving something this big.  We brought the rig to the park where I was registered and he showed me how to back it in (which, BTW, was the easiest thing I had to do all weekend).  Then he wanted me to drive him back to the RV lot to get his car and he said we’d take the scenic route – which put us through downtown Agassiz and then downtown Chilliwack at 3 p.m.!  I only ran 1 red light (the instructor said I don’t pay enough attention..... well duh – I was busy looking at mirrors every 2 seconds)

I dropped him off and then I was on my own (which actually felt a little better – I don’t do well when people are hollering instructions at me).  Anyhow, I drove back to the campsite, managed to back it in with no help, got the jacks down and the slides out, then I marched over to the liquor store and bought some booze!  I was shaking like a leaf by this time!

The weekend was spent testing out the various systems (for instance, the toilet is completely plugged – b*stard never cleared the tanks!  Or else I have a tank the size of my bladder).

Monday, I managed to get everything drained, unhooked and back in and off I went – on Labour day Monday in the heart of camping country.  I brought it back to the RV lot for storage.   When I got there, the guy was in a real hurry to leave.  I pulled my car beside the RV to load it up and when I came back out, the guy had left and locked me into the lot!!!   I couldn’t reach him by phone, and couldn’t find a locksmith willing to cut the lock off the gates.  After nearly 2 hours, I called the police, who came out and were going to cut the bolt off.  Just then, one of the owners called and told us where to find a key they keep hidden on the outside.

All in all, it was a very eventful weekend.  People keep telling me it’ll get easier.  I sure hope so!

Note:  Fat person #2 will be coming on Board in June 2012, which should give me just about enough time to learn to drive this thing.  Maybe