There IS a Turtle Mafia...I've got proof!
Many people think me paranoid because I’m convinced that
there is a conspiracy afoot, led by the turtle I accidentally smacked into
several years ago when I was out for a swim.
Immediately after that, I noticed that turtles started popping up wherever
I was – just staring at me.
Coincidence, I thought. Then I
moved to a different section of the park, on a completely new lake, and within
10 minutes there was a giant snapping turtle heading towards me. No one else ever had close encounters of the
aquatic reptilian kind; but it got to
the point that people on the beach would start looking for a turtle whenever I
went into the water.
I even had a fortune teller tell me that there were a lot of
turtles that seemed to surround me…..little did she know.
I have been here for two weeks so far and was very surprised
that I hadn’t seen a turtle yet. To be
honest, it’s probably because I haven’t been swimming that much. I thought that TurtAl Capone – the capo di
tutti of the turtle mafia – had decided to end his vendetta against me. I was
wrong. On Sunday I was sitting on the
beach and a very tiny turtle popped out of the water, slunk around a canoe,
peered over at me and high-tailed it for the reeds. Blissfully ignorant of what was to come, I
swam across the lake but I had an eerie feeling that I was not alone. When I made it back to the beach, I put my foot
down to make sure I was in shallow water, and stepped on the biggest turtle this
lake has ever produced. That’s right….
TurtAl Capone was directly under me and probably had been the whole time! That little runt of a turtle was probably one of his enforcers, come to check on my whereabouts and report back to the godturtle.
Maybe smacking a turtle is a type of foreplay and he thinks
we’re engaged. Or perhaps it’s the worst
insult you can do to a turtle. Either
way, I’m doomed.