Someone needs a slap

Really....sometimes don't you wish you could slap these supercilious government pukes who have the IQ of gelato and the personality of a slug? 

Off we went to the USA today.  As usual, the line we picked at the border was the one that wasn't moving.  Every other car was speeding through on both sides but no.....little Napoleon up ahead was determined to make life miserable for everyone.

We got to the booth and he asked where we were headed.  As soon as I said Yuma, he started yelling at me that I was lying because no one goes down there in the summer.  He then started rolling his eyes and sarcastically saying "oh right, you're going to Yuma..... I really believe that you're heading for that kind of heat".  I tried to explain that the Beast is in storage but the little emperor wouldn't shut up.  It didn't help that he barely spoke English.... and I'm pretty sure he didn't understand it much either.  Maybe "Yuma" in his language means cocaine or child prostitution.  He sure acted like it was a criminal offense.  Did I mention that I had an 85-year old lady in my car....did he really think I was heading to the USA on a terrorist mission or something?  (of course, if you knew Road Rage Rita, that idea might not seem so far-fetched).

Anyhow, he sent us to the secondary inspection building where we waited for an hour while a lone agent worked and 15 others looked on.  When it was finally our turn, the guy just looked at us and said our story was reasonable and he couldn't understand why we'd been sent in.

I knew better than to say something snotty - which I think deserves a round of applause. 

But really..... don't you think there should be a competency test for border agents?  Shouldn't they a) speak at least one of the official languages of the country they purport to be from and b) shouldn't they at least be able to walk and chew gum at the same time?  I suppose it's too much to ask for a test to see if they have even a molecule of common sense.  And I guess I'd be dreaming if they could also be tested to see if they have a god complex.

Ah well - even though we were delayed by 2 hours, we still had a good day on the road.  And I'm warmed by the thought that the little puke at the guard booth has to work in the cold and the rain and the wind while I get to go to Yuma...where it gets really hot in the summer but where the winters are pure paradise.  Maybe I'll send him a postcard.

Road Rage Rita Rides Again!

That's right, folks!  Road Rage Rita is again the co-pilot for the Big Beastly Adventure.  After very little coaxing, she decided to join the return trip to Northern Ontario.  She flew to Vancouver last Tuesday and even got roped into working at the sales table at Festival Polynesia!

One strange thing happened:  even though we played "that f***ing game" an estimated 1000 times last Fall, neither one of us could remember how to play it after RRR arrived at Nui's home.  Weird. 

The plan is to leave Vancouver, drive to Yuma, pack up the Beast and head for Grundy Lake - all within 3 weeks.  Should be fun!

Been There, Done That

Sorry to all my loyal readers out there.... haven't had a chance to update the blog in months.  Here's a quick recap of the last 3 months

I was told that my condo was flooded and that there was a massive amount of damage.  So I packed up early and came home.   I left the Beast tethered to a hydro box on my lot and decided to just pay for 2 extra months because I didn't have the time or energy to "summerize" it.  I then set a land speed record to get from Yuma to Vancouver in 3 days.  I made it but at a cost....somehow or other, I completely dislocated my hip and, by the time I got to Vancouver, I couldn't put any weight on it.  Considering my size, this was a traumatic event.

Suffice to say that I have spent the last 3 months faithfully going to a chiropractor who would dearly love for me to become a vegetarian.  I was going to wear one of my favorite t-shirts to a session.  It says "If god wanted me to be a vegetarian, he would have made broccoli more fun to shoot!"

Then I decided to retire poor old Zippy, the wonder car.  He was wheezing quite a bit on the way home from Yuma.  So, he will be my Vancouver car.  I have purchased Tenzing - a bright red Chevy Sonic.  I call him Tenzing because that's a Sherpa's name and we all know that Sherpas can climb the hell out of any hill.  So can my little Zinger.  He's nowhere near as much fun to drive as Zippy but maybe he'll grow on me.  One thing's for sure - I've got to get it painted.  That red colour is horrific but it was the least objectionable of the colours.

Not much else to report.  The condo "disaster" wasn't much - in fact the place looks better than before.

I have to say that I'd much rather be on the road than be in Vancouver.  I'm getting restless!

I will be hitting the road back to Yuma on Monday morning, with a special guest passenger.  More to come!

To Flee or to Pee

Spotted my friend Penny out circle walking yesterday.  In addition to the short spiked hair and the capris (the Shangri-La dress code is still in effect), she was sporting a cast on her left arm.  It seems she went to the Castle Dome museum, which unfortunately doesn't yet have indoor plumbing.  For the convenience of customers, they have porta-potties outside.  It turns out that these also make a very nice, cool shelter for snakes.

Penny walked in and came face to face with a rattlesnake that gave a warning and then reared up, ready to strike.  She backed out in a hurry, fell down and broke her elbow.

On the plus side, she forgot all about having to pee.

I have heard reports that someone in the area was struck by a snake while walking in the desert.  The recent heat wave has awakened them (the snakes, not the snowbirds) and, as I suspected, rattlesnakes wake up grumpy. 

Dum Dee Dum Dee Dum...

Life just plods along nicely when you have nothing to do and lots of time to do it.  I've spent the past two weeks reading and swimming....not at the same time.  For spy thriller lovers out there, try the books by Daniel Silva.  I've read at least a dozen since July and I'm waiting anxiously for him to crank out a few more.

Syd and Lynda left 2 weeks ago for Apache Junction.  Since then, I've kept a low profile - working on my tan and generally staying out of trouble.  Trouble, however, seems to find me.  Once again, the Beast started acting up - plumbing problems.  Suffice to say that I now have a new toilet and a big hole in my bank account.

Just so I didn't get too complacent, I got a panic email from my downstairs neighbor in BC to say that water was pouring into her apartment from mine.  Turns out the leak came from the condo above me and there has been some damage to my walls and ceilings.  Sigh....

I've decided to head home a couple of weeks early, to make sure that things get repaired in my condo. 

Forgot to mention that I have a new pet....there's a little hummingbird nest in my tree (yes, I have a tree).  Mama is getting used to me so I was able to get a nice picture.

Club Fed - 1880s style

No one could accuse the old Yumans of being soft on crime.  I took myself off on a tour of the Yuma Territorial Prison, built in the 1800s out of bedrock and adobe.  A couple of weeks in that place would have made me turn into a nun.  The cells were tiny and housed 6 prisoners.  All that was in there were 3-tiered bunk beds and a chamber pot.  If you didn't work, you didn't eat - they chained you to the cell floor and left you there. 

I was surprised by the menu for the prisoners.  Breakfast was usually steak, potatoes, eggs and beans; lunch was steak and beans but dinner was usually only fruit or veggies, bread and water. 

The museum was interesting - I was really struck by the incredible arts and crafts which were made by the prisoners.  Weaving with horsehair, making lace, bone and shell artifacts..... incredible what you can do with time on your hands and sharp instruments at your disposal. 

So Much For Beginner's Luck

Off we went to the Quartzsite Metal Detecting Hunt today.  There were 183 hidden tokens that corresponded to some major prizes.  The day was extremely hot (high 90s) but off we went.

I guess I used up all my luck on the first hunt - all I managed to find was $7.50.  Syd did well - he found over $30 in coins.  Ray found a token that got him a new gold pan and he also won a set of headphones in one of the draws.  These he very generously gave to me.  Thanks again, Ray!

We didn't even get to go see the nekkid librarian.  All in all, it was kind of a disappointing day :-)